Brain on Meditation

Brain: Now what?
Me: Now what what?
Brain: What are we doing today?
Me: Looks like we’re in snow removal mode.
Brain: Okay, so no gym?
Me: Yep. Moving snow will be our workout.
Brain: That sucks
Me: I know. When we’re done we’ll do a little stretching and a little meditation.
Brain: You’re a lazy ass.
Me: No I’m not, now let’s get outside.

…….after moving heavy, heavy wet snow for 45 minutes….

Brain: Well that sucked.
Me: I agree. Let’s stretch and then try 15 minutes of meditation.
Brain: What’s meditation?
Me: Well it’s a way to improve mental clarity, positivity and reduce stress and anxiety
Brain: Sounds interesting, how can I help?
Me: To begin with you can be quiet while I work on our singular focus
Brain: You want me to be quiet?
Me: Yes, please
Brain: What are ya gonna focus on?
Me: My breathing.
Brain: Breathing is good. You know if you didn’t breathe you’d die.
Me: Yes I know that. Please be quiet.
Brain: You know you can’t breathe underwater.
Me: Be quiet
Brain: Sharks live underwater.
Me: Yes, I know. Now be quiet.
Brain: Sharks can be scary
Me: Be quiet
Brain: Remember in Jaws when Quint drinks a Narragansett
Me: Shut up
Brain: Quint got eaten by the shark
Me: Of course he did, be quiet.
Brain: Ok, sorry…..Hey do you feel that little tickle in your left nostril when you breathe in?
Me: Be quiet
Brain: Do you think it’s a booger wiggling around or is it a spider climbing in your nose?
Me: Shut up!
Brain: It’s really starting to itch, ain’t it?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Brain: How’s that positivity thing coming?
Me: Ughh


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