Petabyte Brain

Brain: Man I am exhausted

Me: Why?

Brain: I’ve been up all night thinking and working on our subconscious

Me: Thinking about what?

Brain: About the five hundred thousand plus hours I’ve been doing this thing everyday

Me: What thing?

Brain: This thing?

Me: Huh?

Brain: Life, you moron. Do you have any idea how hard this is?

Me: Ummmmmm?

Brain: No you don’t. You totally don’t get it

Me: Calm down.

Brain: No, you calm down. Do you have any idea how much time I spend managing this shit in here. I mean, I got over 100 billion neurons each with 1,000 or more connections with other neurons for a total of 100 trillion neural connections that I have to oversee

Me: So

Brain: So????? Do you know we have over 2.5 petabytes of memory storage capacity in here. I have to manage all that. It’s a full fucking time job with all the shit you have in here.

Me: Yeah, what’s the big deal

Brain: You my friend are an idiot. You so don’t appreciate everything I do for you

Me: Come on you know I appreciate what you do….yawn….

Brain: Do you know that 1 petabyte equals 20 million four-drawer filing cabinets filled with text and I have to manage 2.5 times that information? Do ya?

Me: Yawn

Brain: Yawn at this Bat Boy. Do you know Google processes 20 petabytes of information a day. That’s Google

Me: So what

Brain: You are an idiot

Me: Takes one to know one.

Brain: Oh, oh shhhhhhhhh

Me: What?

Brain: Shhhhhhhh, be quiet you moron

Me: What’s going on?

Brain: Be quiet, I don’t want you to wake our conscious mind

Me: Okay what’s going on?

Brain: I’ve taken our subconscious mind off autopilot and I am rebooting a few things and I don’t want our conscious mind to wake up

Me: Really? Why?

Brain: Why? Because if the conscious mind wakes up it’s probably going to tell the subconscious mind to stop and let things stay the way they are.

Me: Huh?

Brain: Listen, for most people the conscious mind commands and the subconscious mind obeys.

Me: Uh, okay

Brain: Hmmmm, here’s an opportunity to put in a few tweaks to get the Fat Man moving a little better in the morning. Heck, maybe even positively impact the subconscious for some good.

Me: What’s that?

Brain: Oh, nothing. I was talking to myself

Me: What?

Brain: shhhhh quiet! Holy shit will you look at all the useless crap in here? Hey what’s that noise?

Me: Sorry, it’s the alarm.

Brain: Shit, shit, shit. I gotta power down quick before consciousness takes over

Me: What?

Brain: Nothing, nothing to see here Fat Man

Me: Okay

Brain: Hey there, rise and shine Rocket Boy!

Me: Huh? What?

Brain: Time to greet the day Rocket Boy!

Me; Whoa, I had the strangest dreams today

Brain: Really

Me: They seemed so real. There was one where I was running a marathon and then all of a sudden I was being chased by file cabinets filled with paper. I remember running really fast and I then remember quite clearly how strong I felt running. Then I thought, why are these file cabinets running after me. I mean, they don’t even have legs.

Brain: Wow, that’s bizzaro world

Me: Hey, let’s go to the gym. I ‘m ready to rock my workout

Brain: You go Rocket Boy! .. hehehehe plan worked

Me: What’s that?

Brain: Nothing Rocket Boy, let’s fly

Me: Rock n roll Brain.

Brain: Indeed

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