Brain: Man I am exhausted
Brain: I’ve been up all night thinking and working on our subconscious
Me: Thinking about what?
Brain: About the five hundred thousand plus hours I’ve been doing this thing everyday
Me: What thing?
Brain: This thing?
Brain: Life, you moron. Do you have any idea how hard this is?
Brain: No you don’t. You totally don’t get it
Me: Calm down.
Brain: No, you calm down. Do you have any idea how much time I spend managing this shit in here. I mean, I got over 100 billion neurons each with 1,000 or more connections with other neurons for a total of 100 trillion neural connections that I have to oversee
Brain: So????? Do you know we have over 2.5 petabytes of memory storage capacity in here. I have to manage all that. It’s a full fucking time job with all the shit you have in here.
Me: Yeah, what’s the big deal
Brain: You my friend are an idiot. You so don’t appreciate everything I do for you
Me: Come on you know I appreciate what you do….yawn….
Brain: Do you know that 1 petabyte equals 20 million four-drawer filing cabinets filled with text and I have to manage 2.5 times that information? Do ya?
Brain: Yawn at this Bat Boy. Do you know Google processes 20 petabytes of information a day. That’s Google
Me: So what
Brain: You are an idiot
Me: Takes one to know one.
Brain: Oh, oh shhhhhhhhh
Brain: Shhhhhhhh, be quiet you moron
Me: What’s going on?
Brain: Be quiet, I don’t want you to wake our conscious mind
Me: Okay what’s going on?
Brain: I’ve taken our subconscious mind off autopilot and I am rebooting a few things and I don’t want our conscious mind to wake up
Me: Really? Why?
Brain: Why? Because if the conscious mind wakes up it’s probably going to tell the subconscious mind to stop and let things stay the way they are.
Brain: Listen, for most people the conscious mind commands and the subconscious mind obeys.
Me: Uh, okay
Brain: Hmmmm, here’s an opportunity to put in a few tweaks to get the Fat Man moving a little better in the morning. Heck, maybe even positively impact the subconscious for some good.
Me: What’s that?
Brain: Oh, nothing. I was talking to myself
Brain: shhhhh quiet! Holy shit will you look at all the useless crap in here? Hey what’s that noise?
Me: Sorry, it’s the alarm.
Brain: Shit, shit, shit. I gotta power down quick before consciousness takes over
Brain: Nothing, nothing to see here Fat Man
Brain: Hey there, rise and shine Rocket Boy!
Me: Huh? What?
Brain: Time to greet the day Rocket Boy!
Me; Whoa, I had the strangest dreams today
Me: They seemed so real. There was one where I was running a marathon and then all of a sudden I was being chased by file cabinets filled with paper. I remember running really fast and I then remember quite clearly how strong I felt running. Then I thought, why are these file cabinets running after me. I mean, they don’t even have legs.
Brain: Wow, that’s bizzaro world
Me: Hey, let’s go to the gym. I ‘m ready to rock my workout
Brain: You go Rocket Boy! .. hehehehe plan worked
Me: What’s that?
Brain: Nothing Rocket Boy, let’s fly
Me: Rock n roll Brain.