Brain Excuses

Me: Back hurts

Brain: Yep

Me: Knee hurts

Brain: Yep

Me: Ankle hurts

Brain: Yep

Me: I’ll go the rest of the week I promise

Brain: Yep

Me: No really. I’ll go

Brain: Yep

Me: I am so tired

Brain: Yep

Me: Who the fuck even cares if I go

Brain: Yep

Me: It’s just one day

Brain: Yep

Me: Maybe tomorrow we’ll do a 5k on the elliptical

Brain: Yep

Me: I just can’t go

Brain: Yep

Me: Is that all you’re going to say

Brain: Yep

Me: Fuck it then, no gym today

Brain: Yep

Me: Ahhhh, the pillow feels so nice

Brain: Yep

Me: Bonus sleep ahhhhh

Brain: Okay douche monkey, quit fucking around and get up

Me: I really can’t today

Brain: Fat Man, it’s fucking Monday. Monday’s are always like this

Me: I know but I really can’t today

Brain: Listen ass clown, you’ve gone through your little list of every excuse in the book. Now get up and lets rock

Me: No. You can’t make me.

Brain: You still don’t get it, do you Fat Man?

Me: Shut up, stop calling me Fat Man

Brain: Okay Ass Bag, get the fuck up!

Me: Nope

Brain: Okay, you asked for it

Me: No please stop, please

Brain: Too late, now get up

Me: My god, you put a giant Tony Robbins head on Richard Simmons body and he’s yelling at me. Make it stop!

Brain: Not until you get up

Me: No, no,……. “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”……………..ahhhhhh

Brain: LOL….talk about a “no shit” moment….

Me: Fine, fine I’ll go, just get that thing outta my head.

Brain: hehehehehe.

Me: You suck Brain. That was a horrific vision

Brain: Let’s go, it’s Monday. Let’s kick the shit outta of it

Me: Okay Brain, just keep that monstrosity outta my head

Brain: Indeed


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