Brain: Noooooooooooo!!!
Me: What now?
Brain: Craziness abounds. I can’t get that face from The Scream out of my head
Me: Why the hell are you thinking about that stupid black and white mask from that movie?
Brain: No, not that Scream. The other Scream
Me: What other Scream?
Brain: You know, the painting
Me: Which one is that?
Brain: Stop being stupid. We saw it in person at MoMA in New York.
Me: We saw a lot of things that day.
Brain: It was the one with the dude on the bridge with his hands on either side of his head. He looked like he was screaming.
Me: Oh I remember that one. Why the hell is that in our head?
Brain: I was reading about Edvard Munch before I went to sleep.
Me: Munch?
Brain: Yeah, the guy that painted it
Me: Why would you do that?
Brain: I don’t know. Just interested in understanding how the painting came to be
Me: You’re weird
Brain: Check this out. It’s from his diary dated January 22, 1892. “I was walking along the road with two friends—the sun went down—I felt a gust of melancholy—suddenly the sky turned a bloody red. I stopped, leaned against the railing, tired to death—as the flaming skies hung like blood and sword over the blue-black fjord and the city—My friends went on—I stood there trembling with anxiety—and I felt a vast infinite scream [tear] through nature.”
Me: That’s kind of weird
Brain: Weird? That’s totally fucked up. “I felt a vast infinite scream [tear] through nature.” WHOA
Me: That is kind of messed up
Brain: I can’t imagine feeling a vast infinite scream tear through nature
Me: No kidding
Brain: Unless of course you catch your penis in the zipper of your pants. Then I could understand the vast infinite scream.
Me: I think that’s a little inappropriate
Brain: What?
Me: Talking about getting your you know what caught in a zipper
Brain: What’s inappropriate about using the word penis?
Me: Ahhh, everything
Brain: Everything? Like what?
Me: You know, it’s just not an appropriate reference given our conversation
Brain: Would it be better if I used the word dick or maybe dong. How about Johnson or schlong?
Me: Not really.
Brain: How about cock or prick, lap rocket or Willy?
Me: I think that’s enough
Brain: I can keep going. Phallus, trouser snake, love muscle…
Me: Okay, okay….enough
Brain: Hehehehe…would you rather me say boobie?
Me: Stop. You win.
Brain: Relax. There’s too much “PC’ness” as it is. People are well, big people and they can do their own censoring if needed
Me: I guess
Brain: Good now chill
Me: Will do
