Brain Scream

Brain: Noooooooooooo!!!

Me: What now?

Brain: Craziness abounds. I can’t get that face from The Scream out of my head

Me: Why the hell are you thinking about that stupid black and white mask from that movie?

Brain: No, not that Scream. The other Scream

Me: What other Scream?

Brain: You know, the painting

Me: Which one is that?

Brain: Stop being stupid. We saw it in person at MoMA in New York.

Me: We saw a lot of things that day.

Brain: It was the one with the dude on the bridge with his hands on either side of his head. He looked like he was screaming.

Me: Oh I remember that one. Why the hell is that in our head?

Brain: I was reading about Edvard Munch before I went to sleep.

Me: Munch?

Brain: Yeah, the guy that painted it

Me: Why would you do that?

Brain: I don’t know. Just interested in understanding how the painting came to be

Me: You’re weird

Brain: Check this out. It’s from his diary dated January 22, 1892. “I was walking along the road with two friends—the sun went down—I felt a gust of melancholy—suddenly the sky turned a bloody red. I stopped, leaned against the railing, tired to death—as the flaming skies hung like blood and sword over the blue-black fjord and the city—My friends went on—I stood there trembling with anxiety—and I felt a vast infinite scream [tear] through nature.”

Me: That’s kind of weird

Brain: Weird? That’s totally fucked up. “I felt a vast infinite scream [tear] through nature.” WHOA

Me: That is kind of messed up

Brain: I can’t imagine feeling a vast infinite scream tear through nature

Me: No kidding

Brain: Unless of course you catch your penis in the zipper of your pants. Then I could understand the vast infinite scream.

Me: I think that’s a little inappropriate

Brain: What?

Me: Talking about getting your you know what caught in a zipper

Brain: What’s inappropriate about using the word penis?

Me: Ahhh, everything

Brain: Everything? Like what?

Me: You know, it’s just not an appropriate reference given our conversation

Brain: Would it be better if I used the word dick or maybe dong. How about Johnson or schlong?

Me: Not really.

Brain: How about cock or prick, lap rocket or Willy?

Me: I think that’s enough

Brain: I can keep going. Phallus, trouser snake, love muscle…

Me: Okay, okay….enough

Brain: Hehehehe…would you rather me say boobie?

Me: Stop. You win.

Brain: Relax. There’s too much “PC’ness” as it is. People are well, big people and they can do their own censoring if needed

Me: I guess

Brain: Good now chill

Me: Will do

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