Brain on Earth Day

Brain: Hey, wake the fuck up!

Me: Huh?

Brain: Wake up, wiper of other people’s bottoms

Me: What? It’s Sunday why the heck are you awake

Brain: It’s an important day

Me: But you don’t work on Sunday

Brain: Easy there Chunky Monkey

Me: No really, what’s going on?

Brain: Today’s an important day. I’d argue one of the most important days

Me: Since when is Sunday an important day? It’s not like you’re going to church

Brain: Hey, if I wanted to, I could go to church.

Me: Sure. Be careful, you might get hit by lightning walking in

Brain: No worries oh Fattest of Men

Me: You’re such a dick

Brain: Nope, today is Earth Day!

Me: So what

Brain: So what? Do you know we’ve been around for every Earth Day!

Me: Hmmm, I guess we have been. That just means we’re old

Brain: No douche monkey it means that we’re really fucking cool

Me: I guess

Brain: I guess? Remember back in the early 70’s when we were hauling tires and washing machines out of the Wepawaug river in Milford.

Me: I do remember that. When you really think about it, us humans have really have fucked up this thing called Earth

Brain: That my friend would be the understatement of the year

Me: So what can we do to help?

Brain: Hey, at this point every little thing helps

Me: That makes sense but what can we do

Brain: We do some but we can do more. I mean every piece of trash we see when we hike we pick up. We follow the “Leave no trace” principles.

Me: That seems pretty simple to me

Brain: You’d think that would be true but you wouldn’t believe the litter I find in the woods.

Me: I know it’s sad. No, it’s pathetic

Brain: Yes, people suck

Me: What else can we do?

Brain: We need to make a bigger commitment to recycling and reducing our waste volume

Me: Okay

Brain: I read that this year’s Earth Day theme is to end plastic pollution. We should figure out how to help that.

Me: That would be cool

Brain: The article I was reading broke it down into 4 “R” categories: Reject, reduce, reuse, recycle

Me: We can totally do that

Brain: Plus we should plant more trees. Trees are cool

Me: Totally agree

Brain: According to the WWF we lose 18.7 million acres of forests annually, equivalent to 27 soccer fields every minute.

Me: Question? What do wrestlers know about trees?

Brain: Wrestlers?

Me: Yeah, isn’t WWF the World Wrestling Federation?

Brain: No. It’s the World Wildlife Fund you idiot

Me: That would make more sense

Brain: I know just the campaign slogan for our tree project, “Save a Tree, eat a Beaver”

Me: Ummmm, that may not be the best slogan

Brain: Why, I think it’s pretty appropriate

Me: You would. It’s actually a little inappropriate

Brain: Why do you always poop on my parade?

Me: Parade? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a parade of one

Brain: I like my parades. Stop being such a negative-nelly

Me: What?

Brain: Ha, too late anyway. I already ordered bumper stickers and T-shirts.

Me: Fine

Brain: Embrace the day and let’s all do better for Earth’s sake

Me: I agree

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