Brain: Hey, wake the fuck up!
Me: Huh?
Brain: Wake up, wiper of other people’s bottoms
Me: What? It’s Sunday why the heck are you awake
Brain: It’s an important day
Me: But you don’t work on Sunday
Brain: Easy there Chunky Monkey
Me: No really, what’s going on?
Brain: Today’s an important day. I’d argue one of the most important days
Me: Since when is Sunday an important day? It’s not like you’re going to church
Brain: Hey, if I wanted to, I could go to church.
Me: Sure. Be careful, you might get hit by lightning walking in
Brain: No worries oh Fattest of Men
Me: You’re such a dick
Brain: Nope, today is Earth Day!
Me: So what
Brain: So what? Do you know we’ve been around for every Earth Day!
Me: Hmmm, I guess we have been. That just means we’re old
Brain: No douche monkey it means that we’re really fucking cool
Me: I guess
Brain: I guess? Remember back in the early 70’s when we were hauling tires and washing machines out of the Wepawaug river in Milford.
Me: I do remember that. When you really think about it, us humans have really have fucked up this thing called Earth
Brain: That my friend would be the understatement of the year
Me: So what can we do to help?
Brain: Hey, at this point every little thing helps
Me: That makes sense but what can we do
Brain: We do some but we can do more. I mean every piece of trash we see when we hike we pick up. We follow the “Leave no trace” principles.
Me: That seems pretty simple to me
Brain: You’d think that would be true but you wouldn’t believe the litter I find in the woods.
Me: I know it’s sad. No, it’s pathetic
Brain: Yes, people suck
Me: What else can we do?
Brain: We need to make a bigger commitment to recycling and reducing our waste volume
Me: Okay
Brain: I read that this year’s Earth Day theme is to end plastic pollution. We should figure out how to help that.
Me: That would be cool
Brain: The article I was reading broke it down into 4 “R” categories: Reject, reduce, reuse, recycle
Me: We can totally do that
Brain: Plus we should plant more trees. Trees are cool
Me: Totally agree
Brain: According to the WWF we lose 18.7 million acres of forests annually, equivalent to 27 soccer fields every minute.
Me: Question? What do wrestlers know about trees?
Brain: Wrestlers?
Me: Yeah, isn’t WWF the World Wrestling Federation?
Brain: No. It’s the World Wildlife Fund you idiot
Me: That would make more sense
Brain: I know just the campaign slogan for our tree project, “Save a Tree, eat a Beaver”
Me: Ummmm, that may not be the best slogan
Brain: Why, I think it’s pretty appropriate
Me: You would. It’s actually a little inappropriate
Brain: Why do you always poop on my parade?
Me: Parade? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a parade of one
Brain: I like my parades. Stop being such a negative-nelly
Me: What?
Brain: Ha, too late anyway. I already ordered bumper stickers and T-shirts.
Me: Fine
Brain: Embrace the day and let’s all do better for Earth’s sake
Me: I agree
