Brain vs Cart

Brain: Grumble, grumble, grumble

Me: Wow, based on the demolition derby dreams you’re still pissed about yesterday

Brain: Grumble

Me: Dude, chill out it was just grocery shopping

Brain: Grumble

Me: Okay so we went at the worst possible time: A rainy Sunday at noon

Brain: What is wrong with people

Me: What do you mean?

Brain: I mean, if you’re approaching a car in the U.S.A., you know to stay to the right.

Me: True enough

Brain: In a boat you know to go port to port

Me: Yep

Brain: In a car you know to typically stop or at least yield at intersections

Me: That’s accurate

Brain: You know not to park your car perpendicularly across a street

Me: Seems pretty simple

Brain: Then why the fuck when you put a shopping cart in someone’s hands do they totally forget the rules of the road and turn into Mad Max?

Me: Don’t know

Brain: I mean, that fucking woman yesterday actually blew through the end of the aisle and t-boned my cart. What they fuck? What’s the rush?

Me: It was pretty much a free-for-all yesterday

Brain: Why oh why would someone park their cart across an aisle? Why?

Me: No clue

Brain: Never mind the total cluster fuck in front of the cottage cheese, sour cream, yogurt area.

Me: I know, that was pretty funny

Brain: Yeah, and it didn’t help that the vendor thought noon on Sunday was a good day to restock yogurt. What the fuck?

Me:You done yet?

Brain: No. How about if you’re going to decide to talk to your neighbor you pull off to a side of the aisle instead of standing in the middle with your carts blocking the way

Me: Okay, that’s enough

Brain: Ugh. And to the person who obviously enjoyed the new legal cannabis laws prior to coming to the grocery store….move along…stop fondling that organic romaine. You can’t FUCKING see E. coli.

Me: Can we go now?

Brain: I guess

Me: Feel better?

Brain: No

Me: Happy Monday

Brain: Fuck Monday

Me: Let’s go sweat

Brain: Good idea Fat Man, let’s go sweat


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