Brain: Grumble, grumble, grumble
Me: Wow, based on the demolition derby dreams you’re still pissed about yesterday
Me: Dude, chill out it was just grocery shopping
Me: Okay so we went at the worst possible time: A rainy Sunday at noon
Brain: What is wrong with people
Me: What do you mean?
Brain: I mean, if you’re approaching a car in the U.S.A., you know to stay to the right.
Me: True enough
Brain: In a boat you know to go port to port
Brain: In a car you know to typically stop or at least yield at intersections
Me: That’s accurate
Brain: You know not to park your car perpendicularly across a street
Me: Seems pretty simple
Brain: Then why the fuck when you put a shopping cart in someone’s hands do they totally forget the rules of the road and turn into Mad Max?
Me: Don’t know
Brain: I mean, that fucking woman yesterday actually blew through the end of the aisle and t-boned my cart. What they fuck? What’s the rush?
Me: It was pretty much a free-for-all yesterday
Brain: Why oh why would someone park their cart across an aisle? Why?
Me: No clue
Brain: Never mind the total cluster fuck in front of the cottage cheese, sour cream, yogurt area.
Me: I know, that was pretty funny
Brain: Yeah, and it didn’t help that the vendor thought noon on Sunday was a good day to restock yogurt. What the fuck?
Me:You done yet?
Brain: No. How about if you’re going to decide to talk to your neighbor you pull off to a side of the aisle instead of standing in the middle with your carts blocking the way
Me: Okay, that’s enough
Brain: Ugh. And to the person who obviously enjoyed the new legal cannabis laws prior to coming to the grocery store….move along…stop fondling that organic romaine. You can’t FUCKING see E. coli.
Me: Can we go now?
Brain: I guess
Me: Feel better?
Me: Happy Monday
Brain: Fuck Monday
Me: Let’s go sweat
Brain: Good idea Fat Man, let’s go sweat