Paddle Brain

Me: Oh man I could have used another couple of hours of sleep

Brain: Let’s go Fat Man. No rest for the wicked

Me: But it’s 66 degrees already and it’s only 4am

Brain: Dude you complain when it’s cold, you complain when it’s hot…just shut up

Me: Hey, I’m a New Englander, it’s what we do

Brain: Whatever, let’s rock Weather Weenie

…….We arrive at the gym

Brain: Hey look at that

Me: What?

Brain: This weeks challenge is rowing. Look at the board it’s divided by age groups

Me: Cool. I guess you row for 15 minutes and record how far you went.

Brain: Rowing, meh, how hard can that be?

Me: Let’s do our weight set and then row

Brain: Works for me.

Me: Looking at the board it’s kind of depressing to know our age group 56-60 is the last one before 61+

Brain: Fuck that. Depressing my ass. We rock!

Me: I don’t know.

Brain: You don’t know shit you Titanic Tub of Goo

Me: Be nice

Brain: I am being nice. We worked really hard, sometimes, to get here. Let’s rock the rowing machine (whatever the fuck that is) and get our name on the board

Me: You’re right Brain

Brain: Of course I am

Me: Let’s row

Brain: Right on let’s ROW!

….15 minutes and 2,513 meters later

Me: Hey, can you pick up our arms?

Brain: Never mind our arms, why do our legs feel like jello?

Me: Whoa, really

Brain: No, what the fuck was that?

Me: Seriously, where did our arms go

Brain: Holy crap that hurts. Who the hell knew that rowing could hurt so much

Me: I had no idea

Brain: I made the mistake of thinking rowing was the same as paddling

Me: No kidding

Brain: I mean, they’re both ways to move through the water, right?

Me: Absolutely

Brain: I was thinking, what a great exercise option. Let’s paddle for a few meters and call it a day

Me: Me too

Brain: I like paddling. Paddling has this implication of relaxed travel through water

Me: Paddling is cool

Brain: Rowing on the other hand is competitive and evil.

Me: I agree

Brain: Now that I think about it they have whole sports dedicated to rowing. People have rowed across oceans. There are such things as rowing clubs

Me: You’re right

Brain: Paddling is more my style.

Me: Paddling you can do with a beer

Brain: Anything you can do with a beer is a good thing

Me: Like darts

Brain: Yep, horseshoes are good too

Me: True

Brain: Rowing not so much

Me: Nope, rowing is right out

…..writing our distance on the board in our age group

Brain: Hey Fat Man

Me: What

Brain: I can’t wait for tomorrow to row again and beat our number

Me: I thought you didn’t like the rowing machine?

Brain: I hate the fucking thing but we need to beat our number

Me: You are one competitive asshole

Brain: And what’s wrong with that?

Me: Nothing, just making an observation

Brain: Rest up Tubby the Tugboat we’re going to rock and row tomorrow

Me: Very funny

Brain: Hey, I just remembered. A week from today is one of our favorite days of the year.

Me: What are you talking about

Brain: May 10th, it’s International Monty Python Day.

Me: Oh shit, you’re right

Brain: We need to think about what we’re going to do to celebrate

Me: It will give us something to do when we’re rowing tomorrow

Brain: Right on


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