F***ing Brain

Brain: Do you know what I find interesting?

Me: No. What time is it?

Brain: 3am

Me: Again?

Brain: What do you mean again? It’s 3am once a day

Me: Again, as in, why are you waking me up at 3am AGAIN

Brain: Oh, I was thinking about the word fuck

Me: It’s fucking 3am, why in GOd’s name were you thinking about the word fuck?

Brain: Exactly

Me: Exactly what?

Brain: I find it interesting on how people use fuck on social media in this day of hyper-sensitive political correctness

Me: Okay, I’ll play along….for example

Brain: Well some people will write it as f*** or maybe Fxxx or even eff

Me: Maybe they’re just trying to be polite

Brain: I get that but to me it seems like you’re making the reader do the “dirty” work.

Me: Huh?

Brain: Well the reader is going to read f*** or fxxx as “fuck,” right?

Me: I guess

Brain: Come on. You see f*** and you don’t say fart, fork, fund or foot when you read it

Me: True

Brain: So why disrespect one of the best words in our lexicon?

Me: Good point

Brain: “That’s effing great,” just doesn’t have the same punch as “That’s fucking great.” Even though I wrote “effing,” the reader will translate it to the word fucking in their mind

Me: Hmmmm, good point

Brain: Fuck may be one of the most versatile words we have.

Me: I guess fuck is pretty versatile

Brain: Pretty fucking versatile? You have to be fucking kidding me

Me: Okay, simmer down there you fucker. Hehehehe

Brain: Now you’re fucking getting it

Me: This is great, we’re bantering about fuck at 3am. Who else would fucking do this?

Brain: Who the fuck knows?

Me: Well played

Brain: Think about how many different grammatical categories fuck falls into

Me: A lot I think

Brain: Fuck – it can be used as both a transitive and intransitive verb, an action verb,a passive verb, an adverb or even a noun

Me: Lol, wow

Brain: It also can be used as an adjective, an interjection and even a conjunction.

Me: That’s f***ing great Brain, can we now go back to fxxxing sleep?

Brain: No way you f#$!er, let’s get up and f___ing go to the f!!!ing gym

Me: Okay, I think we’ve worn this out

Brain: Why the eff would you f***ing say that?

Me: You know why

Brain: Fine, let’s go

Me: Absofuckinglutely

Brain: You rock Fat Man! Happy Fucking Friday


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