Brain: What the fuck happened to yesterday and why is tomorrow so pissed off at today?
Me: I don’t know
Brain: I think yesterday is pissed because yesterday knows it’s all but forgotten. What really pisses off tomorrow is that it may never happen and if it does happen it’s today and tomorrow is still left waiting
Brain: I’m talking about time Fat Man
Me: What about time?
Brain: Time is a funny thing. Not in the true sense of funny but in more of fuck you kind of way.
Me: Why is it funny?
Brain: It’s not really funny. What is funny is how we treat time
Me: What do you mean?
Brain Let’s take yesterday, I heard someone say, “they have too much time on their hands.”
Brain: How can you have too much time? There is never enough time. I told them I’d be happy to take the time off their hands. I mean really, who can’t use more time?
Me: You’re weird
Brain: I think they thought so too. They looked at me like I was crazy. “I can’t give you my time, it’s my time, not yours,” they said.
Me: They’re right
Brain: I looked at them and said, “Come on, you said you had too much. I’m just trying to help you lighten your time load.”
Me: What did they say?
Brain: They said I was weird and to fuck off because they didn’t have time for this shit
Me: Good for them. What did you do?
Brain: I said, “You just said you had too much time on your hands and now you say you don’t have time for this? Make up your fucking mind you time psycho.”
Me: And what happened?
Brain: They picked up their pace and walked away.
Me: I don’t blame them. You’re and idiot
Brain: For a brief moment in time I thought about clubbing them in the head and knocking them out and taking their time. But then I looked at my watch and realized I didn’t have the time so I let them go.
Me: Lucky for you
Brain: Lucky for me? Can’t you use some extra time?
Me: I think we all could
Brain: You know what? Time is a relentless bastard. Like it’s cousin gravity but worse. At least gravity is predictable….for the most part. Time is a real fucker. Just when you think you have plenty of it you don’t.
Me: Listen to you pontificating about time
Brain: As I said the other day. We all take time for granted. We all need to make the most of time
Me: Not this again
Brain: I know, I know. Don’t you think that’s a weird sentence?
Me: What is a weird sentence?
Brain: “We all need to make the most of time.” We can’t make it, that’s the problem. We can only experience time.
Me: I knew in time you’d make my head hurt
Brain: Ha, now you’re getting it
Me: Whatever you moron
Brain: When you assume time, that’s when time will bite you in the ass.
Me: Brain, you are one fucked up Brain
Brain: Hey, when time does present itself to you, you need to hop on that motherfucker and ride it for all it’s worth because it’s today, not tomorrow and not yesterday. Hop on today and enjoy.
Me: Okay, Yippee ki-yay let’s ride!