Twitter Brain

Me:  <In a panic> Holy shit, we have a big problem

Brain: Huh?

Me: We have a big problem, wake the fuck up

Brain: What’s the problem?

Me: I forgot my password

Brain: Which password?

Me: I don’t know, I think all of them

Brain: What are you talking about?

Me: My phone doesn’t recognize my fingerprint or password, my computer doesn’t recognize my password. I’m fucked

Brain: When did you last change them?

Me: I might have done it last night

Brain: Why would you have done them last night?

Me: Because there was a guy with a giant head with blonde hair who hacked into my phone

Brain: When was this?

Me: Last night. He hijacked my Twitter account saying the world needs to hear his message

Brain: Well don’t you remember what you changed your passwords too?

Me: Ah, I thought I did. But why isn’t my phone recognizing my fingerprint?

Brain: That’s terrible

Me: Worse is that the man with the giant head and funny blonde hair then started screaming at me about some hole in his lawn. Saying I caused it

Brain: No way, lol

Me: Yes way. Why aren’t you taking this seriously?

Brain: Because none of it is real

Me: What are you talking about? Of course it’s real

Brain: I guess in one sense it is real

Me: Please, you have to help me remember

Brain: Easy Fat Man, like I told you, it’s not real

Me: What are you talking about?

Brain: I told you it’s not real. It was a dream


Brain: Yeparoo, I made the whole thing up. Dude, think about it! You don’t even have a Twitter account to hijack.

Me: Oh yeah, I guess I don’t.

Brain: See, now you can relax

Me: Why do you feel that you have to fuck with me on a daily basis?

Brain: Because I can

Me: You are such a dick

Brain: Why thank you

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