Me: What the fuck is wrong with the two of you?
Me: Seriously. Can you stop with the nightmares
Heart: What are you talking about?
Brain: Yeah Fat Man, what’s going on?
Me: You guys need to stop fucking with me. You scared the shit out of me again
Heart: Um, we didn’t do anything
Brain: Heart is correct. What’s up Fatty?
Me: Quit screwing with my sleep
Brain: Listen Chunky Monkey, I was deep in zen world, not even paying attention to you
Heart: Brain is right. I was just chilling do a solid rhythm thing around 60 beats a minute
Me: All I know is I that there was a munchkin like person behind me holding my right arm so I couldn’t move it and I felt tremendous pressure on my chest. Then there was this giant orange right in my face screaming that his group needed to play through because I was golfing to slow
Brain: A munchkin like person? Did they look like a donut hole?
Me: No, no, no. Munchkin like from the Wizard of Oz
Heart: That’s pretty weird Fat Man
Me: Weird? It scarred the crap out me. So stop it
Brain: Dude it wasn’t us. Let’s think this through
Heart: Yeah Fat Man, it wasn’t us
Me: So who or what was it?
Brain: Okay so let’s think….hmmmm weren’t you watching the Wizard of Oz right before you went to bed?
Brain: Did you have you right wrist brace on last night?
Me: Of course. I want to make sure I don’t do something stupid with my wrist because that’s where they cut my radial artery for the procedure
Heart: That makes sense
Brain: Maybe a little overkill but makes sense
Me: Better safe than sorry
Brain: You still have the fleece sheets on the bed?
Heart: And the cat still sleeps on your bed
Me: Yep, so
Brain: What do you think Heart?
Heart: It seems pretty clear to me
Brain: Yep. External sensory incorporation
Me: What the hell are you guys talking about?
Brain: You want to take this one Heart?
Heart: Sure. Here’s what happened Largest of Large: First was the fact you were watching the Wizard of Oz so that was fresh in your mind. Second you wore a velcro wrist brace to bed with fleece sheets. The velcro obviously caught on the fleece and held your arm in place
Me:Huh? What about the chest pressure
Heart: That’s easy. Remember laughing the other day thinking the cat was like a goat and always climbs on top of you?
Me: Yeah, so
Heart: Well as you were sleeping the cat, all 15 plus pounds of him, climbed on your chest and he fell asleep there. Hence the chest pressure
Me: Okay, but what about the screaming orange that wants to golf?
Heart: Brain, you got this one?
Brain: Regarding the screaming orange….you’re just fucked up. Who the hell knows where the screaming orange came from. LOL
Me: Thanks a lot Brain
Brain: No problem Fat Man. Let’s get rocking and enjoy our Friday
Heart: Friday!!! Weeeee Hooooo