Me: What the fuck is wrong with the two of you?

Heart: Huh?

Brain: What?

Me: Seriously. Can you stop with the nightmares

Heart: What are you talking about?

Brain: Yeah Fat Man, what’s going on?

Me: You guys need to stop fucking with me. You scared the shit out of me again

Heart: Um, we didn’t do anything

Brain: Heart is correct. What’s up Fatty?

Me: Quit screwing with my sleep

Brain: Listen Chunky Monkey, I was deep in zen world, not even paying attention to you

Heart: Brain is right. I was just chilling do a solid rhythm thing around 60 beats a minute

Me: All I know is I that there was a munchkin like person behind me holding my right arm so I couldn’t move it and I felt tremendous pressure on my chest. Then there was this giant orange right in my face screaming that his group needed to play through because I was golfing to slow

Brain: A munchkin like person? Did they look like a donut hole?

Me: No, no, no. Munchkin like from the Wizard of Oz

Brain: Oh

Heart: That’s pretty weird Fat Man

Me:  Weird? It scarred the crap out me. So stop it

Brain: Dude it wasn’t us. Let’s think this through

Heart: Yeah Fat Man, it wasn’t us

Me: So who or what was it?

Brain: Okay so let’s think….hmmmm weren’t you watching the Wizard of Oz right before you went to bed?

Me: Yep

Brain: Did you have you right wrist brace on last night?

Me: Of course. I want to make sure I don’t do something stupid with my wrist because that’s where they cut my radial artery for the procedure

Heart: That makes sense

Brain: Maybe a little overkill but makes sense

Me: Better safe than sorry

Brain: You still have the fleece sheets on the bed?

Me: Yep

Heart: And the cat still sleeps on your bed

Me: Yep, so

Brain: What do you think Heart?

Heart: It seems pretty clear to me

Brain: Yep. External sensory incorporation

Heart: Yeparoo

Me: What the hell are you guys talking about?

Brain: You want to take this one Heart?

Heart: Sure. Here’s what happened Largest of Large:  First was the fact you were watching the Wizard of Oz so that was fresh in your mind. Second you wore a velcro wrist brace to bed with fleece sheets. The velcro obviously caught on the fleece and held your arm in place

Me:Huh? What about the chest pressure

Heart: That’s easy. Remember laughing the other day thinking the cat was like a goat and always climbs on top of you?

Me: Yeah, so

Heart: Well as you were sleeping the cat, all 15 plus pounds of him, climbed on your chest and he fell asleep there. Hence the chest pressure

Me: Okay, but what about the screaming orange that wants to golf?

Heart: Brain, you got this one?

Brain: Regarding the screaming orange….you’re just fucked up. Who the hell knows where the screaming orange came from. LOL

Me: Thanks a lot Brain

Brain: No problem Fat Man. Let’s get rocking and enjoy our Friday

Heart: Friday!!! Weeeee Hooooo

Me: Ugh




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